Yusuke, I'm Your Daddy
by Kuramastrass
Summary: AU. Yusuke goes to Koenma to ask him who his father is. I'm warning you right now: it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I know he couldn't possibly be Yusuke's father, but I couldn't resist writing it. Lots of OOCness inside. You were warned...
1. SUPER MEGA KAWAII SURPRISE!

**This is the result of being very bored and very tired very late at night.**

**I haven't worked on it much since, but it seemed to get a pretty good response. So I thought, why not? And here it is!**

**Here's chapter one. Tell me what you think, please.**

Yusuke walked through the halls of Spirit World alone, trying to remember the way to Koenma's office. Botan had pointed him in this direction, but there had been a huge accident and she needed to go oversee the other ferrygirls.

Finally, he stopped walking. It was stupid to just keep walking; he was lost. "Why can't Koenma make his office easier to find?" the very irritated Detective yelled.

Then something flashing red caught his eye. It was a sign above a huge, wooden door. It proclaimed in huge letters: "Koenma's office".

"Oh," Yusuke muttered, feeling stupid. He walked into Koenma's office.

Koenma was playing solitaire on his computer instead of working. When he heard the door to his office begin to open, he freaked out and closed everything on the screen.

"What do want? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"It's me." Yusuke's head appeared in the doorway. He sounded... almost shy.

"Oh. Yusuke. What do you want?"

"I... wanted to ask you something."

"Go ahead."

"Remember when I died the second time, and you told the SDF you'd done a background check on me?"

"What about it?"

"That means you know who my father is, right?"

Koenma's pulse spiked. This could be bad. "And you want me to tell you." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes."

The Spirit Prince took a deep breath. "Are you sure you want to know, Yusuke? Are you sure you aren't happier not knowing?"

"Would I be here is I didn't want to know?"

"You know him. Quite well."

There was silence.

"Do you still want to know?"

"Yes," he answered.

Koenma sighed. "Stay here. I'll go get him."

"He's dead?"

"No, he's still alive."

- -

A few minutes after Koenma left, a ferrygirl came to his office. "Mr. Spirit Detective?" she asked shyly.

"Yeah?"

"Lord Koenma sent me to fetch you and show you to our family counseling room."

"Okay."

She led him down the hall. They took a few turns and then they finally came to a long, empty hallway with a single door at the end.

"These things don't always go well," she said, hoping that would explain why family counseling was out in the middle of nowhere.

Yusuke whistled. "Is it that bad?"

"He's probably just taking precautions. Lord Koenma does care about you... and you have a reputation for being violent." She opened the door. "They should be here shortly."

Yusuke nodded and walked into the empty room. Other than three chairs, it was completely empty. Two of the chairs sat facing the other. And the room was completely white.

Shouldn't a counselor's office be comforting? This was more like a room in an asylum.

He stood around, not quite sure what to stare at. He didn't want to sit down, because that would be stupid. Then he heard footsteps.

"I'll leave you two here alone for a bit. Your counselor should be down shortly."

The door opened and someone stepped inside. Koenma had been right. He did know this person quite well.

"Kurama?" Yusuke screamed. "You're my father?"

- Kuramastrass -


	2. Counseling

**Attention flamers. You don't bother me, because you were warned that this makes absolutely no sense. You're wasting your time if you're trying to upset me.**

**I don't own YYH, etc., etc.**

**That being said, let's move on to chapter two~**

Kurama blinked, trying to absorb that information. "I'm... what?"

"My father."

Kurama's eyes had a faraway look in them now. "Oh, yes," he finally said softly. "I did have sex with your mother. Just before I died and was reborn."

Yusuke's mouth actually dropped open for a second, then he snapped it closed. No. No way. This couldn't be happening.

Kurama still had that faraway look in his eyes. He smiled slightly, obviously liking whatever he was remembering. He must have forgotten Yusuke was there, because he continued, "Best sex I've ever had."

"What?"

Yusuke's surprised and disgusted scream brought Kurama back to the present. Had he said that out loud? He noticed Yusuke preparing his Spirit Gun, so he tensed...

And the door opened. The two teenagers jumped.

"Let's try to resolve things without violence, please," a voice droned.

An older woman walked through the doors. She was holding a folder full of papers. She walked over to the single chair. "I'll be your counseler. Take a seat, please."

The two teenagers looked at each other and then sat down in the two empty seats.

The woman rifled through the papers and then looked up. "So, you're Yusuke... and you're Kurama."

They nodded.

"And you've just found out that you're father and son, though you've known each other a while."

They nodded again.

"How long have you known each other?"

Yusuke turned to look at Kurama. "Three years?"

"More like four," the redhead answered.

"So, four years," the counseler said, making some notes. Then she looked up at Yusuke. "How do you feel, knowing Kurama is your father?"

"It feels fucking weird!" the Detective yelled. "Kurama isn't that much older than me!"

She nodded, making a few more notes. "And how do you feel, knowing Yusuke is your son?"

"It was quite shocking," Kurama answered. "And it is quite awkward."

The old woman made a few more notes and shut her folder. "I believe you two need to start making up for lost time. Do some things where you can bond as father and son, and I'll see you again next week."

And with that, she stood up and walked out of the room.

- Kuramastrass -


	3. The Arcade

**Alright, here's the deal. I know this is a shitty-ass ending but I've decided that it's the ending. Why? Because I have a whole two paragraphs for the next chapter, and I really don't have much interest in this story anymore.**

**If you like this story, don't blame flamers on me quitting. They had nothing to do with it. I have no interest in trying to write this anymore, and the story's pretty much crap anyway.**

**If you don't like this for whatever reason, especially if you really hate it, check out Project A.F.T.E.R. (link in my poll). I think you'll like it there.**

**Well, here's the last chapter. Enjoy.**

Kurama and Yusuke turned to look at each other. They were silent for a while, not knowing what to say.

Then Yusuke spoke. "So... if you're my father... does that make your mother my grandmother or my foster grandmother or my adoptive grandmother or my step–"

Kurama started shaking his head. "Please, Yusuke. Let's not make this any more complicated."

"Complicated! If you didn't want things to be complicated, then you shouldn't have screwed my mother!" he yelled. "Or at least have used a condom or something."

"Yusuke, if it was my mating season, which it must have been, a condom wouldn't have done anything. Besides," he added softly, "they itch."

Yusuke pretended he hadn't heard that. "So... what are we supposed to do?"

The redhead shrugged. "I've never had a father. I've only spent time bonding with my mother, though I assume it's quite different."

"Want to just walk around town?"

"And how is that any different than normal?"

"Duh, Kurama. That's the point." Yusuke stood up and started walking out the door. "We can bond, but no one said it had to be weird."

"I don't see what's so great about the arcade."

Yusuke and Kurama were just exiting the arcade. Yusuke shrugged. "It's something to do."

"Schoolwork is also something to do," Kurama retorted.

The Detective rolled his eyes. "You're sounding more like a parent already!"

Kurama was about to reply, but he was interrupted.

"Hey! Urameshi!" Kuwabara yelled, walking toward them. "Did Koenma tell you?"

"Yeah," Yusuke answered simply.

"Who is it? Are you gonna tell me?"

Kurama coughed, and Kuwabara noticed him. "Oh, hey, Kurama." He turned back to Yusuke.

Yusuke just started at him, not saying anything.

"You're not going to tell me, are you. Is it that bad?"

"He's standing next to me."

"Huh?" Kuwabara looked over Yusuke's shoulders, completely overlooking the redhead. "I don't see anyone."

Then Kurama coughed again.

Kuwabara's eyes widened as he turned back to him. "No. No fucking way."

"Kuwabara, meet my dad."

- Kuramastrass -


End file.
